The True Meaning of Happiness

Few days ago, I met a guy from Jordan. He's a phd student at UPM.

Sembang punye sembang, die cakap...

    " You could seek happiness everywhere. But you'll never find it if you don't what true happiness is. I've been searching for it all this while. Until I finally realized that true happiness is whenever I am remembering ALLAH"

Whoaaa, OK Sir. I will definitely remember that. Actually I rasa semua orang tau. Cuma maybe they, emmm, neglecting it? Ye lah, sebab no matter what we do, ALLAH will always be there. Kan? Kita je tak perasan. Or terlupa.

Meeting this guy is a good thing. Kesian saya tengok dia. He's a Palestinian. Nantilah when I'm not busy, I'm gonna jot down a little something about him.

May ALLAH bless him, inshaALLAH.

Mission Possible, kooottttt? Part 1

(Please try to imagine the James Bond's song when you are reading this)

My wedding is just around the corner. Simpang depan tuh je haaaa, tak jauh dah oiiiii!

But but but, I have a confession to make. Well...

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I have prepare nothing!

OK, maybe 'nothing' sounds too bad, I only managed to settle the dress for my reception. It's a new dress, konon-konon based on my own design la. 

Since when I jadi fashion designer nihhh? Keluar rumah hari-hari pun selekeh mekeh. Ade hati nak jadi fashion designer you!!

Basically my wedding dress macam pics kat bawah ni haa...

But of course, mine will be lagi banyak kain as I must cover the bahu and lengan. Lengan and bahu are too cantik to exposed. If tak cover, abis patah balik rombongan lelaki. HAHAHA

So the sopan version is something like below: 

If you happened to notice, all these dress have a bustline. 

Bagi saya itu penting untuk memberikan ilusi tinggi yang nyata dan maya. Sebabnya, teman nih emmm, small size. I am truly Asian! HAHAHA (OK fine tak mau mengaku pendek)

So, only my side's dress yang tengah OTW nak siap. His side, still looking for a perfect golden songket. I don't understand them, boys; they really like the idea of tanjak and keris. Tanjak kan benda atas kepala tuh? Ke tengkolok? :P

Checklist yang lain

1. Catering
2. Kompang
3. Goodie bag
4. Things in the goodie bag
5. Bunga pahar/bunga telur
6. Sweets
7. OUR HOME SWEET HOME
8. Honeymoon
9. Kursus kawin
10. Blood test
11. All the kawin forms
12. Spa session
13. Song list
14. Wedding card
15. Invitation list

OK, malas dah nak list them all. Sebab, from 1-15, satu pun tak settle!!! HAHAHA I know gila.

But I am too stress (konon) to think about all of these. Other B2B might be so excited. But TQ to my new MSc project, I just couldn't think of any of these things. 

Last year, uuiiissshh gilos ahh semangat. Namun kini ia pudar. So I only have 2 months 2 weeks to plan for my wedding. Whhoooaaa!!

OK lets go back to reality. I have a proposal to focus on :(

Pun Boleeeehhhh

Emmm, I have this kelebihan to incorporate two words into 1. Dulu, both words must be in BM. But now it can be either English or BM. Paham tak? 

Macamni, since I'm super duper talkative and I often cerita dengan excited and gumbira, I tend to cakap laju-laju and make a mistake. A silly one but emm, funny. Everytime silap mesti kena bahan. Senget betul!

Contoh:

1) Lembu + Kerbau = Lembau

2) Menari + Menyanyi = Menyari

3) Bosan + Boring = Bosing

4) Anak mertua and bapak menantu
5) Ketar + Lutut = Ketut
6) Diam + Senyap = Denyap/Dinyap

7) Telur + Pahar = Pehur

p/s: If dah banyak, I nak try send this list to DBP, kot-kot boleh publish. 

Homesick

I'm home, and I'm sick. So I'm basically homesick :P

It's been the 3rd day of fever. And still no signs of feeling better. Mane nak better kan, ubat tak makan. Foods pun tak makan. A friend described this situation (of I tak makan) as "pelik amat".

And so I called my mum tadi sambil tahan nangis as usual. Sepanjang these 3 days ni, she happened to be the only asked,

    "Kamu tak pegi klinik? Tak? Abis tu tak makan ubat la?"

Owwhhhh mak. Terharu nye along.

Last Saturday mak called and marah-marah I sikit. Hehehe

But today she was all OK, and siap concerned lagi. Mane ade orang yang boleh buat macam tu except for family. Kan?

Family institution sangat penting. These past few days I learnt that orang boleh put you aside/ignore you right away. But believe me, I know I could always go back to my family no matter what.

And if I didn't call for a few days, ayah would asked mak about me.

Se-along along I, I guess I was manja kott dulu. A bit fragile. Owh ingat lagi I have this weird habit of bangun malam-malam and tibe-tibe je nangis, either kat ayah or mak. Normally kat ayah. Then time tu, ape je yang I minta, sure ayah would say yes.

Hehehehe...

No one could love me the ayah does. Segarang-garang ayah, after ayah marah, ayah mesti akan buat lawak bile dah cooled down. I took it as a way to minta maaf lah tu :P

Kalaulah I tau I nak demam, last Friday lagi dah balik Ipoh. Well, since esok cuti... Hmmmm agak-agak ayah sekeh tak if I balik tonight? As in now? I could make it before 12am.

Mari packing then! Doakan I selamat sampai ehh? A sick driver is a dangerous driver :P

Let Love Lead The Way

That day, I terdengar this Spice Girls song ... "Let Love Lead The Way". Besstttt.

Better, I love the lyric. Ape yang buat I tibe-tibe stopped buat kerja was the lyric.

Every bit of the songs, every word. Semua macam kena je (kooonnnooonnn)

Ye lah, kadang-kadang I do wonder why there is joy, pain, cry, laugh in this life?

You know, when I thought everything will work out right, then suddenly semua jadi tak OK. One by one is being taken from me.

Why ehhhh? When I thought I could just smile, inside and outside, then tibe-tibe tears yang kuar menyibuk.

When I'm half way thru this project, and now suddenly I have to start all over again? I tengok orang lain complaining about their projects, their lives. Nak je I cakap, 

   " You, wait till you hear my problems. Then you'll realized that after all your problems are not that baddd!"

But I do realized yang orang lain pun ade je probs yang bigger than me. Yes I do believe that.

It's just now, I'm scared if I couldn't go on. I'm scared if orang lain just wanna use me. Will I make it thru the days?  

Ntah...

Part of me laughs, 

Part of me cries 

Part of me wants to question why, 

Why is there joy, 

Why is there pain, 

Why is there sunshine and the rain. 

What makes this world go round 

Will the answer let her down

She is so sweet and young 

And her life has just begun 

What does her future hold that's the story left unknown 

Will she make it through her days, let our love lead the way 

But this Spice Girls punye girls cakap, 

No matter what we must go on 

Just keep the faith 

And let love lead the way 

Everthing will work out fine 

If you let love... love lead the way 

So I'm gonna keep my faith, my love towards GOD. I know that ALLAH loves me. So I just have to be patient, pray a lot, smile a lot too, be happy, try not to hurt others. Then everything will work out fine. InshaALLAH :)

mMm

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Finally She's Happy

After a few weeks of being upset with me, my youngest sister is finally happy.

Owh I'm off to Ipoh this coming weekend. Lots of things need to be done (konon).

So memang syiokk la die. But if I balik pun, we all gaduh-gaduh. Maybe she's missing the gaduh moments kottt...

One thing about this minah, die sangat suke hisap and play with my hair. She said, rase macam McD. Hehehe...

Yummmmmyyyyyy gilos la tuh. Time to zzzz now. Hush hush... Salam!

Wahhh I'm Gifted!

Yesss people, I am gifted!

With the ability of jalan ke depan, tapi mata pandang tempat lain. Heh

I almost langgar macam-macam benda. But luckily tak pernah lah langgar tiang retak seribu. Mostly I langgar orang. Lepastu akan bermula lah adegan,

    "Owh!!! I'm sorry!!! Saya tak sengaja. Sorry sorry!!!

(Dengan senyuman konon apologetic) 

I was thinking, if next time I langgar orang, then I terus nyanyi Sorry Sorry Sorry by Super Junior, OK tak? Siap dancing lagi. 

I'm pretty sure orang tu tak kan marah. In fact die akan terpaku. Hahahaha

Reality

My supervisor once said, life is never fair. It is unfair. Really. Sometimes, you couldn't understand why they are people who are just so lucky with their lives.

They seemed so happy, so complete. Note the ' they seemed'. Maybe they are not really happy inside but they stopped others to see the sad side of themselves. 

I am known to be a happy-go-lucky girl. I talked a lot, I smiled a lot. But to be honest, I cried a lot too. Almost everyday. I have to say that inside, I am not that happy.

I always believe that being me, I should make others happy. It doesn't matter whether I am happy or not. Because, truly, I am very happy when I could cheer up others.

I am nothing special. I have failed, twice. But I managed to stand up again and keep on going. I guess I am quite strong then. To be able to stand, until now.

Now, I am so sad because I think I could not go on anymore. I have become too lazy, too saturated and too stupid.

Sometimes I just feel like quitting. Just go back home, and stay there. Where no one could hurt me. Or make me sad. 

I know because no matter what happened I have my families to return too. I wish I could just go home and tell my mum that I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna study. Or work. 

I just wanna be your daughter. I just wanna be at home. Playing. I just wanna be your little girl once again.

I don't wanna proceed, I just want all to stop. I am too scared to face another failure. I am too weak to hear people say something that could hurt my feeling. 

I am tired of crying everyday. I just wanna laugh. And play.

I DO NOT WANT ANY RESPONSIBILITY.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE HURT MY FEELING WITH THEIR WORDS. 

I HATE IT BECAUSE I AM SO SENSITIVE I WOULD EASILY CRY.

Saya Laparrr Lah Kamu...

It's almost 1 a.m. and I'm hungry. Adoi, tadi makan dah bace bismillah... Siap makan senyum-senyum lagi. Tapi why lapar lagi ni?

Haiiisshhh, high metabolism rate? HAHA I doubt that!

Tu lah, next time, jangan cakap that your hobby is 'menternak lemak'. Dah tak tertahan dah proses penternakan lemak ni. Asyik-asyik lapar.

So should I masak or just sleep?

Owh God... Hmmmm.

Ape Punyerrrr ...

Supposedly kan, this week I balik Ipoh caused I already promise my youngest sister. Tapi things happened and I could not go home. 

I have tonnes of reports, a mountain of journals and a pile of works to be done. So again, I had to disappointed her :(

When I was driving, I dok terfikir apelah alasan nak bagi. Serious rase bersalah. Tapiiiiii...

So I fikir, takpelah, 

    "I belikan baby pizza."

Sure die suke. Ratu makan kot minah tu. Bak kate abang die, kucing siam mak. HAHA

   "Ehhh, tak pun bank in duit. Rasuah."

Ishhhh, hina sungguh nak bagi duit jerr...

   "Hmm, belikan hand phone pun OK kot ehh? Ala yang RM 99.00 kan ade."

Serious, pun hina. As a friend said to me, ape ingat boleh ke beli love? Tu lah, last-last I realized, my sister tak mau pun all that. She just wants me to be home, as I promised. But I let her down. Again.

Owh what a bad sister. Baby I'm sorry. 

**air mate bergenang, ade something in my throat, a lump. I'm about to cry :'( **

Ape Kesss?

I tengah bengannnggg nganng ngaaanngg!!! 

What is it with people nowadaysCome on, zaman dah maju. We have FB, phone, sms, bbm, email, blog, twitter etc... So when people invited you to a wedding, thru all those FB blah blah, why would you requested for a card pulak? 

Those 'routes' of invitation above are designed to make things easier and cheaper of course! Why do people wanna make things hard balik by demanding nak card semua bagai?

Orang dah tagged kat FB, and even called! Bukannya tak ikhlas nak invite by tagging and calling or texting ke... It's just that certain people are BUSY, SUPER BUSY to post all the cards. What with the price nak buy stamps, then nak pergi pot office, paste the stamps, seal the envelopes.

Tolonglah, satu card, satu stamp. Satu stamp 60sen. Times dengan 100 is equal to RM 60. 

I have to admit, I have not send out my invitation yet. Tapi terbaca event my friend ni, punyelah ramai yang nak card ape semua bagai. Come on lah people, when it is my turn nanti, I won't print a lot of cards. 

I'm a student and yes, I wanna get married while I'm studying. So I have to plan my wedding on a strict budget. If tunggu I habis belajar, lagi 3-4 tahun la jawabnya.

Kadang-kadang I pelik dengan our society. Demand benda bukan-bukan. Nak bilik pengantin, pelamin, bunga telur, goodie bag and if semua yang listed tu takde, mulalah mengata.

Oi bersanding haram!!!

Oi ape takde kerja ke masuk bilik pengantin. Tu bukan private ke?

Oi bunga telur tu, telur tuh guwa tengok dibuang jugak.

Oi guwa tengok paper bag tuh dibuang gak. Bersepah kat rumah pengantin.

Urrggghhh!!!

Better I provide good foods from the caterer, good foods in the goodie bag daripada I bagi mahal punye goodie bag tapi the contents? Mak ai mengarut! Handkerchief? Pakai sekali dah rosak.

A good friend of mine once said,

    "Kedai pengantin nih semua, merosakkan orang Melayu!"

Well friend, I have to agree on that. 

Apelah orang Melayu nih, nak sangat agungkan adat. Nak sangat Melayu tu, Melayu ni. Tolonglah, yang penting is agama OK.

Islam dulu, kini dan selamanya. Itu baru betul. So if dah Islam larang bersanding, why must you force me to bersanding?

Inspiration/Booster/Catalyst???

So what inspires you to write/blog? I bet with this advance tech of blogging and all, a lot of us realize that somehow they are quite good in writing. Kan?

I have to say this blogging helps me to test my English (in writing). Apart from writing proposals or research related stuffs, I don't do so much writing like when I was in school. 

Having said that, I realized how much I love to write an essay (be it in English or BM). But I rarely do so nowadays. Owh sad :(

And I have to admit, I am also lack of reading materials (put away those journals, please!). Few years back, I used to read Readers Digest every month since my dad subscribed it. But when he stopped doing so (since no one read it except me), I don't do much reading lah :P

Then tadi I saw a friend of mine, a great scientist in the making, reading Readers Digest. So i terfikir, I think it's about time I should start reading them back. I am in serious need of reading. Tapi if suruh I baca journals, hah berjanggut beruban lah baru habis.

When we read a lot, we know a lot. So macam-macam issue we could address or talk about with friends or sape-sape je lah. I don't give a damn about politics sebab I rase I tak sebulu with politics. Susah nak paham this field.

Kesimpulannya, when I read, I'm escaping this world and entering a new world where I could forget all my worries, my problems. And when I'm reading, I could focus. Just focus on the book. I love that the most. Having the ability to escape from certain terrible situations.

Like today, I just realized that my fellowship is finishing this June. And I'm not even done with my labworks yet.Owh great!

How am I supposed to look for sponsor nihhh?

Work Work Work!

Ya ALLAH workload I bertimbun-timbun kot. Dengan thousands of genes to be analyzed but damn I have no idea on where to start. The software is there, the guideline is there. But but but, no one to guide. Boleh pulak the field application specialist tu lepas tangan macam tu jerrr?? 

Tak patut kan? I know.

And the biggest issue, goodness my sample is not even 50 and I need like 100 for the SNP analysis. Ya ALLAH, please help me. Lepas ni, hari-hari I bangun tido, I'm gonna baca doa...

    "Rabbi yassir wala tu 'assir ya karim..."

Owh jangan lupe, C-peptide analysis. Haaaa..HAHAHAHA... Moh gelak moh. Habisss. Benci. ELISA kot. Mane pernah buat. Aigo!

Sending out patients' result. Fuhhh. Nak kene post, stamp lagi. Macamne nak claim balik? Susah kottt nak dapat.

Tapi apart from all these things, at least my supervisor has read my proposal (I sent the first draft in Dec 2009). Baru now dapat bace, itupun with me in front of her. And I rase OK la kot. She said it is good untuk first draft. Alhamdulillah...

May everything goes smoothly for me, inshaALLAH.

Dendam 5 Tahun Terbalas

Hmmmm, it wasn't that lame. My birthday. Around 11pm semalam, SayurHati datang with his friends. I dah macam, emm, ni mesti ade surprise! HAHA

Ye la, on the phone cakap naik kereta abah. But hang terang-terang datang dengan your Bistroman. Ape kes? 

But he said they were on their way to Putrajaya. And I was like, owwwhhhhhh. No surprise la ni? Lega + ala xbest la. HAHA

Then Paklong came with his camera. Suruh buat ucapan. OK, this is not good. My eyes are all puffy. Nak suruh I buat ucapan. Mengapakah? Not a good sign.

Then SayurHati sat next to me. His friends Wak Tonyo and Yus Yus pun datang. I saw something kat belakang Yus Yus. Again, not a good sign.

Then, I nammmpaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! Sebiji telur tersergam indah di tangan SayurHati. Alamak... Macamne ni? Redha or run? Damn.

Belum sempat fikir nak buat ape, sedang enak gelak-gelak (konon-konon if gelak manja dapat selamat la) setempek telur pecah di kepala. Thanx to Wak Tonyo.

Wak Tonyo simpan dendam 5 tahun dengan I. Nanti lah I cerita. 

Then Yus Yus punye turn. Nasib baik lah Yus Yus hati lembut bagaikan jelly, so die tak sampai hati nak pecahkan telur on my head. He smashed it dulu baru tempekkan on my head. Bagus Yus Yus. That's y I called him Yus Yus here. Ade geli-geli skit. HAHA

Lastly, it was SayurHati. Serious die macam syoookkkk je menempekkan telur tu. I wonder y. Habis telur-menelur sesi, sesi tepung-menepung pulak. 

Yeay, I bagaikan Hantu Kak Limah je rupe. Cantik sikit lah, muke takde kedut-kedut lagi :P

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Telur + tepung = KFC

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Makan KFC pun cepat-cepat sebab curfew situ is at 12am. Share berlima, together dengan meow-meow. Berkatttttt. So that's how my birthday ended. Dengan rase puas hati Wak Tonyo cakap,

    " Dendam 5 tahun aku terbalas!"

Sekian.

It Could Have Been Better

Emmm, just like the previous year I guess, nothing special today. Yepp, it could have been better. The much anticipated day, but it is dull as ever. 

No surprise, no cake. Nothing. SayurHati is not feeling well. Demam.

Tapi semalam OK jer main badminton. Well, takpelah. The last time I had a blast was when my grandma still alive. A small birthday party was held for me where I had to wear this pretty gown and tiup lilin.  

That was ages ago! Kecik lagi, innocent lagi. 

All I want is to be with someone on my birthday, and not alone. Urrrgghhh I hate today.

But alhamdulillah, I've got a new cousin today. Kaseh Nur sumthing is her name. I'm not sure. So, jangan mengeluh. Tak baik. Menangis sambil typing takpe, tu boleh :'(

7.10am, 21 December 1986

24 years ago, at 7.10am, I was born. Tu ikut jam kat umah kot. Or ikut suke hati orang yang tulis my birth cert. I lahir kat umah you. Bidan sambut. I lompat kuar dari my mum's tummy and trus landing kat tangan bidan tu. Haaa, trase sungguh hebat. HAHA

My name, ayah yang bagi. But unfortunately, now ayah pun confuse when eja my name. Aigo ayah, macam mane ni? Ish ish ish.

Nothing much I know about cerita I dalam my mum's tummy. Cuma mak cakap, mak mengidam buah delima. That's why bibir I merah bak delima kot? Betul, tak tipu punye :P

Hari ini, I'm alone celebrating my birthday. And again macam last year, I'm working. Haaaaiiissshhh. 

Redha. Khamis ade meeting. 

Tomorrow is My Birthday

I love December. Really. I've been longing for this month to come since like...emm, January? Well of course I love December. It's my birthday tomorrow. 

SayurHati dah bagi present. Happy tak ingat. It's a Scrabble set. Iye, I know it's  kinda lame, tapi dari dulu lagi teringin a Scrabble set baru now dapat. Mane tak yeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

TQ SayurHati. And this might be the last birthday for me as a single lady. Haaaaaaa, nak kawin dah next year. Owh sungguh excited! 

Tapi bile fikir bab MSc, urrrggghhh menyampah sampah. Maybe it's about time my SV is back so that she could be the X-Factor for me to work work and work. Sikit je lagi. I just need a list of genes from my coursemate then I could start my analysis! 

Hopefully everything will be fine, inshaALLAH.

Back to my birthday, I've never celebrate my birthday with tepung, telur or yang sewaktu dengannye... and tak pernah jugak dapat any surprise on that particular date. I rase la...can't remember. But still, syok woo... 

So, how old I am? Tua sudah. Haaaiiiiissshhhh. Tapi awat rase macam semalam je baru pakai pampers and belajar berjalan? HAHA

May ALLAH bless me always. May I be a good muslimah, a good daughter, a good wife, inshaALLAH and also a good postgraduate student. Amin ya rabb :)

Cerita Kawin

Hari ni, another good friend of mine is getting married. They nikah semalam, so most of us were not able to attend. Sigh. Tapi takpe, menurutnye, die dah selamat ke katil, tapi sorang je la tido. Aigo. Senget betul.

So today, the four of us yang dah selamat sampai ni akan tunggu another 2 friends from KL and one from Penang. Then jumpe la ramai-ramai at KK. 

Lame gilos tak jumpe mereka ini. I have to admit, rindu la jugak. 

Sleepy, nak sambung tido balik la. Zzzzz...

Owh ye, tak jadi beli apple, a new baby Toshiba is born by the way. Syiookk eventho dapat tumpang pinjam sekejap. HAHA

A Quick Update

Malaysia defeated Vietnam 2-0 people!!! To be honest, I don't really care about sports. And I don't have high hope that Malaysia will win. But they did somehow! Congrats to all of the players and of course, the coach.

My dad was a state football player before. And my fiancée was a volleyball player. Me? Hey I'm a champion too! In talking! My future MIL said that I talked too much, don't my mouth ever get tired? Emmm, nope mak...cik. Sebab saya banyak cakaplah anak makcik cintakan suke saya. HAHAHA

Where was I? Sports, yes. We didn't get along very well. I'm just not so good. But I could play Scrabble, Monopoly, chess and other board games. :P

OK la tu, daripada tak main ape-ape pun. Time to zzz people. Early morning tomorrow. Patient is waiting!

Assalamualaikum.