This Reflects My Life

Kudos to Zheng Lab. May their projects yield good result. Amin.

Enjoy the video people. Gilos best. Agaknye this is how it looks like when the lab people dancing and singing. Ala-ala Lady Gaga wannabe gituh. 

Haaaa, this is how I feel at this moment! I am caught in a BAD BAD project. 

Let Love Lead The Way

That day, I terdengar this Spice Girls song ... "Let Love Lead The Way". Besstttt.

Better, I love the lyric. Ape yang buat I tibe-tibe stopped buat kerja was the lyric.

Every bit of the songs, every word. Semua macam kena je (kooonnnooonnn)

Ye lah, kadang-kadang I do wonder why there is joy, pain, cry, laugh in this life?

You know, when I thought everything will work out right, then suddenly semua jadi tak OK. One by one is being taken from me.

Why ehhhh? When I thought I could just smile, inside and outside, then tibe-tibe tears yang kuar menyibuk.

When I'm half way thru this project, and now suddenly I have to start all over again? I tengok orang lain complaining about their projects, their lives. Nak je I cakap, 

   " You, wait till you hear my problems. Then you'll realized that after all your problems are not that baddd!"

But I do realized yang orang lain pun ade je probs yang bigger than me. Yes I do believe that.

It's just now, I'm scared if I couldn't go on. I'm scared if orang lain just wanna use me. Will I make it thru the days?  

Ntah...

Part of me laughs, 

Part of me cries 

Part of me wants to question why, 

Why is there joy, 

Why is there pain, 

Why is there sunshine and the rain. 

What makes this world go round 

Will the answer let her down

She is so sweet and young 

And her life has just begun 

What does her future hold that's the story left unknown 

Will she make it through her days, let our love lead the way 

But this Spice Girls punye girls cakap, 

No matter what we must go on 

Just keep the faith 

And let love lead the way 

Everthing will work out fine 

If you let love... love lead the way 

So I'm gonna keep my faith, my love towards GOD. I know that ALLAH loves me. So I just have to be patient, pray a lot, smile a lot too, be happy, try not to hurt others. Then everything will work out fine. InshaALLAH :)

mMm

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M

OMG!

I had a meeting with my Dr tadi. Owh gilos takut. Rase macam nak laaarriiii. Ye lah, orang tak siap kerja kan?

HAHAHA

But the meeting went well. She's in a good mood. Siap tengok my new handbag lagi and said,

    " Ni hantaran ke? Cantiklah handbag you. Berape nih?"

Whoooaaa gilos you.

HAHAHA

Then she even made a statement saying that,

    " Tu lah, awak semua patut vote I jadi prime minister. Takdelah all these problems occurred.

NO NO NO NO

Amboooiiiii mana boleh lawan saya Dr. Saya dah cakap dari dulu lagi that I wanna be a PM.

OK I'm a bit crazy. Esok nak jumpe lagi Dr. Twice a week OK our date.  

Finally She's Happy

After a few weeks of being upset with me, my youngest sister is finally happy.

Owh I'm off to Ipoh this coming weekend. Lots of things need to be done (konon).

So memang syiokk la die. But if I balik pun, we all gaduh-gaduh. Maybe she's missing the gaduh moments kottt...

One thing about this minah, die sangat suke hisap and play with my hair. She said, rase macam McD. Hehehe...

Yummmmmyyyyyy gilos la tuh. Time to zzzz now. Hush hush... Salam!

My Daddy My Hero

When I was still a little girl, every time ayah balik or nak pergi kerja, I would jump excitedly sambil jerit...

    "Ye ye ayah balik!!!"

or...

    "Bye ayah bye ayaahhhh! Ayah bawa balik chocolataaaattteeeeee!!!"

Sekarang pun macamtu. Minus the 'jump excitedly' moment. The jerit part remains the same. Now dah tinggal at a double storey house, whenever tau ayah nak pergi kerja, I would run all the way from the hall to the main door just to wave goodbye.

And selalunye mak akan ade kat depan, sapu sampah. HAHA

Sian ayah and mak, baru nak manja-manja waving, anak dieorang yang sekor ni dah kacau daun. Nasib lah...hobby along mak.

And selalunye gak, ayah takdenye nak wave back. Konon control macho; naik motor besar mane macho babe bye bye anak. HAHA

Or naik kereta mane ayah nak dengar suara halus lemak merdu anak die ni. Kadang-kadang ayah akan senyum-bajet-comel or jelir lidah. 

Ape kes ntah ayah ni jelir lidah. Orang buat la flying kiss ke. Haaa kan cair I. Ehh mak cair. I pun caiirrr. Saayyyaannnggg ayah.

Takpelah ayah, eventho ayah tak cakap ayah sayang along, I know you very well. Malu la tuh nak cakap 'sayang hang jugak'. Tak macho ehhh?

Takpe dulu along belajar bahasa hati, along paham. 

Thank you. Along sayang ayah too!!! You are always my hero. I know you are better than Batman, Superman sebab ayah selalu menang bile lawan dengan Jebon.

Jebon, you know Jebon? My dad killed him you know.

Tu modal ayah untuk suruh I tido dulu. Dulu memang takutlah if ayah cakap Jebon nak datang. Memang I tido tutup muke!

Sekarang if dah lewat malam and still tak tido lagi, dengar je kelibat ayah datang, I pun ape lagi. Berlakon krohh kroohh kroohh. Takut ayah marah.

May ALLAH bless you both, ayah and mak.

Sinar Harapan

On Wednesday, I had a brief meeting with my SV. Owh goodness, the sight of her table drives me crazy. It reflected the condition of my room back in 17. Horror OK!

Told ya a scientist has to be in a horror state. Hahahaha

OK back to business. Since I'm having trouble with my sample size which is only 40 patients, I might need to add a new parameter to my SNP study. Well, I don't wanna add too much of stuff since I'm not into genetics sangat. Ni pun baru mule nak bercinte with genetics, so selow melow lah ye?

After a short discussion, hey I might not need to worry too much since I could just change my sample criteria. Once Rara has identified the list of genes, then I could just proceed by comparing between normal and diabetic population. Weehhuuuuuu!

Kot laaahhhh. Still need to do a lot of reading, literature review and all. Haaiiisshhh I hate that part the most. Tahukah anda journal in genetics amat susah untuk difahami? Hah tak tahu? Tu lah, susah woo wa cakap sama lu.

Wa baca sikit, wa gelak then wa tido. Sebab wa talak paham apa-apa just by reading it once.

So...hati ni berbunga-bunga cinta lah sikit. Aman damai rasenye... 

Harap everythinn will be OK.

p/s: To Madam Soorayee, thanx for ur comment. I appreciate it. Really. Thank you.

Wahhh I'm Gifted!

Yesss people, I am gifted!

With the ability of jalan ke depan, tapi mata pandang tempat lain. Heh

I almost langgar macam-macam benda. But luckily tak pernah lah langgar tiang retak seribu. Mostly I langgar orang. Lepastu akan bermula lah adegan,

    "Owh!!! I'm sorry!!! Saya tak sengaja. Sorry sorry!!!

(Dengan senyuman konon apologetic) 

I was thinking, if next time I langgar orang, then I terus nyanyi Sorry Sorry Sorry by Super Junior, OK tak? Siap dancing lagi. 

I'm pretty sure orang tu tak kan marah. In fact die akan terpaku. Hahahaha

Reality

My supervisor once said, life is never fair. It is unfair. Really. Sometimes, you couldn't understand why they are people who are just so lucky with their lives.

They seemed so happy, so complete. Note the ' they seemed'. Maybe they are not really happy inside but they stopped others to see the sad side of themselves. 

I am known to be a happy-go-lucky girl. I talked a lot, I smiled a lot. But to be honest, I cried a lot too. Almost everyday. I have to say that inside, I am not that happy.

I always believe that being me, I should make others happy. It doesn't matter whether I am happy or not. Because, truly, I am very happy when I could cheer up others.

I am nothing special. I have failed, twice. But I managed to stand up again and keep on going. I guess I am quite strong then. To be able to stand, until now.

Now, I am so sad because I think I could not go on anymore. I have become too lazy, too saturated and too stupid.

Sometimes I just feel like quitting. Just go back home, and stay there. Where no one could hurt me. Or make me sad. 

I know because no matter what happened I have my families to return too. I wish I could just go home and tell my mum that I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna study. Or work. 

I just wanna be your daughter. I just wanna be at home. Playing. I just wanna be your little girl once again.

I don't wanna proceed, I just want all to stop. I am too scared to face another failure. I am too weak to hear people say something that could hurt my feeling. 

I am tired of crying everyday. I just wanna laugh. And play.

I DO NOT WANT ANY RESPONSIBILITY.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE HURT MY FEELING WITH THEIR WORDS. 

I HATE IT BECAUSE I AM SO SENSITIVE I WOULD EASILY CRY.

Saya Laparrr Lah Kamu...

It's almost 1 a.m. and I'm hungry. Adoi, tadi makan dah bace bismillah... Siap makan senyum-senyum lagi. Tapi why lapar lagi ni?

Haiiisshhh, high metabolism rate? HAHA I doubt that!

Tu lah, next time, jangan cakap that your hobby is 'menternak lemak'. Dah tak tertahan dah proses penternakan lemak ni. Asyik-asyik lapar.

So should I masak or just sleep?

Owh God... Hmmmm.

Ape Punyerrrr ...

Supposedly kan, this week I balik Ipoh caused I already promise my youngest sister. Tapi things happened and I could not go home. 

I have tonnes of reports, a mountain of journals and a pile of works to be done. So again, I had to disappointed her :(

When I was driving, I dok terfikir apelah alasan nak bagi. Serious rase bersalah. Tapiiiiii...

So I fikir, takpelah, 

    "I belikan baby pizza."

Sure die suke. Ratu makan kot minah tu. Bak kate abang die, kucing siam mak. HAHA

   "Ehhh, tak pun bank in duit. Rasuah."

Ishhhh, hina sungguh nak bagi duit jerr...

   "Hmm, belikan hand phone pun OK kot ehh? Ala yang RM 99.00 kan ade."

Serious, pun hina. As a friend said to me, ape ingat boleh ke beli love? Tu lah, last-last I realized, my sister tak mau pun all that. She just wants me to be home, as I promised. But I let her down. Again.

Owh what a bad sister. Baby I'm sorry. 

**air mate bergenang, ade something in my throat, a lump. I'm about to cry :'( **

Ape Kesss?

I tengah bengannnggg nganng ngaaanngg!!! 

What is it with people nowadaysCome on, zaman dah maju. We have FB, phone, sms, bbm, email, blog, twitter etc... So when people invited you to a wedding, thru all those FB blah blah, why would you requested for a card pulak? 

Those 'routes' of invitation above are designed to make things easier and cheaper of course! Why do people wanna make things hard balik by demanding nak card semua bagai?

Orang dah tagged kat FB, and even called! Bukannya tak ikhlas nak invite by tagging and calling or texting ke... It's just that certain people are BUSY, SUPER BUSY to post all the cards. What with the price nak buy stamps, then nak pergi pot office, paste the stamps, seal the envelopes.

Tolonglah, satu card, satu stamp. Satu stamp 60sen. Times dengan 100 is equal to RM 60. 

I have to admit, I have not send out my invitation yet. Tapi terbaca event my friend ni, punyelah ramai yang nak card ape semua bagai. Come on lah people, when it is my turn nanti, I won't print a lot of cards. 

I'm a student and yes, I wanna get married while I'm studying. So I have to plan my wedding on a strict budget. If tunggu I habis belajar, lagi 3-4 tahun la jawabnya.

Kadang-kadang I pelik dengan our society. Demand benda bukan-bukan. Nak bilik pengantin, pelamin, bunga telur, goodie bag and if semua yang listed tu takde, mulalah mengata.

Oi bersanding haram!!!

Oi ape takde kerja ke masuk bilik pengantin. Tu bukan private ke?

Oi bunga telur tu, telur tuh guwa tengok dibuang jugak.

Oi guwa tengok paper bag tuh dibuang gak. Bersepah kat rumah pengantin.

Urrggghhh!!!

Better I provide good foods from the caterer, good foods in the goodie bag daripada I bagi mahal punye goodie bag tapi the contents? Mak ai mengarut! Handkerchief? Pakai sekali dah rosak.

A good friend of mine once said,

    "Kedai pengantin nih semua, merosakkan orang Melayu!"

Well friend, I have to agree on that. 

Apelah orang Melayu nih, nak sangat agungkan adat. Nak sangat Melayu tu, Melayu ni. Tolonglah, yang penting is agama OK.

Islam dulu, kini dan selamanya. Itu baru betul. So if dah Islam larang bersanding, why must you force me to bersanding?

Tafsir Al Quran

It is good for us, umat Islam, untuk baca Quran selalu. But, it is better if we read and understand the meaning lies in every sentence of the Quran. 

A good friend of mine gave me this link where you could read the Quran together with the meaning, may it be in BM or English. 

Plussssssss, ade audio version OK. So instead of dengar lagu-lagu je memanjang, bolehla dengar Quran plak. Sejuk hati I. Hmmmmmmm (ni baru betul dalam hati ade taman, aman damai).

May ALLAH bless us all. Here it is, Tafsir Al Quran Bahasa Melayu. 

Inspiration/Booster/Catalyst???

So what inspires you to write/blog? I bet with this advance tech of blogging and all, a lot of us realize that somehow they are quite good in writing. Kan?

I have to say this blogging helps me to test my English (in writing). Apart from writing proposals or research related stuffs, I don't do so much writing like when I was in school. 

Having said that, I realized how much I love to write an essay (be it in English or BM). But I rarely do so nowadays. Owh sad :(

And I have to admit, I am also lack of reading materials (put away those journals, please!). Few years back, I used to read Readers Digest every month since my dad subscribed it. But when he stopped doing so (since no one read it except me), I don't do much reading lah :P

Then tadi I saw a friend of mine, a great scientist in the making, reading Readers Digest. So i terfikir, I think it's about time I should start reading them back. I am in serious need of reading. Tapi if suruh I baca journals, hah berjanggut beruban lah baru habis.

When we read a lot, we know a lot. So macam-macam issue we could address or talk about with friends or sape-sape je lah. I don't give a damn about politics sebab I rase I tak sebulu with politics. Susah nak paham this field.

Kesimpulannya, when I read, I'm escaping this world and entering a new world where I could forget all my worries, my problems. And when I'm reading, I could focus. Just focus on the book. I love that the most. Having the ability to escape from certain terrible situations.

Like today, I just realized that my fellowship is finishing this June. And I'm not even done with my labworks yet.Owh great!

How am I supposed to look for sponsor nihhh?

In The 'Studio'

Ingat artis jerr masuk studio? Guwa scientist pun masuk studio babe. HAHA scientist kononnnnn.

I'm analyzing my samples using a software called GenomeStudio. Kononnye a powerful software blah blah blah. 

So a very good friend said to me,

    "Fuhhyooo, kamu pun ade studio?"

    "Eh mestilah, next year I plan nak masuk AJL 26."

Hehehehe... Sorry otak senget due to excessive workloads but lack of determination.

Work Work Work!

Ya ALLAH workload I bertimbun-timbun kot. Dengan thousands of genes to be analyzed but damn I have no idea on where to start. The software is there, the guideline is there. But but but, no one to guide. Boleh pulak the field application specialist tu lepas tangan macam tu jerrr?? 

Tak patut kan? I know.

And the biggest issue, goodness my sample is not even 50 and I need like 100 for the SNP analysis. Ya ALLAH, please help me. Lepas ni, hari-hari I bangun tido, I'm gonna baca doa...

    "Rabbi yassir wala tu 'assir ya karim..."

Owh jangan lupe, C-peptide analysis. Haaaa..HAHAHAHA... Moh gelak moh. Habisss. Benci. ELISA kot. Mane pernah buat. Aigo!

Sending out patients' result. Fuhhh. Nak kene post, stamp lagi. Macamne nak claim balik? Susah kottt nak dapat.

Tapi apart from all these things, at least my supervisor has read my proposal (I sent the first draft in Dec 2009). Baru now dapat bace, itupun with me in front of her. And I rase OK la kot. She said it is good untuk first draft. Alhamdulillah...

May everything goes smoothly for me, inshaALLAH.

Ibu Ibu Berblogging

Lately, I have no idea why am I so interested in reading blogs written by mothers. Starting with LG and now Mai Korner. Hehehehe

Agak-agak why ehh? I rase, first sebab both ade very cute and beautiful daughters (Ya ALLAH Cik Aiyu and Miss 7 gilos cute). Second sebab both tinggal nun jauh from Malaysia, so boleh lah cuci mata jalan-jalan cari makan.

Cik Aiyu berjaya buat I tak sabar-sabar to have my own baby. In fact, malam tadi before tadi I was reading Mai Korner. Then boleh I terfikir nak SMS my mum and cakap,

    "Mak, boleh tak mak pregnant again? Minah nak adik baru lah."

Haaiiisshhh, kalaulah dapat. Kan best. 

Lagi satu yang best about LG is that her foods. Weyh she's a living proof that you don't have to be super duper pro chef to cook all those bombastic meals. Tapi yang buat I tension is that, every time I read her blog and saw all those foods, I went gaga and my stomach (dengan pimpinan Dato Hj. Ramli MS) terus ber-orkestra.

Yes, terima kasih sebab both are inspirational. Nanti I kahwin, I pun nak jadi macam they all lah. Hahahaha!!

Belajar tak habis, ade hati nak kahwin!

Owh, dewan for my wedding dah berjaya booked. Yahhhoooo!

:'(

A song by FT

*Hanyut*

Harus bagaimana lagi

Dan terus begini

Dengarkan aku

Lihat ke mataku

Cukup sudah kau menghukum

Salahku tetap salahku

Benarkan ku berbicara

Agar bisa pulih semua

Namun harus sampai bila

Kau kan diam seribu bahasa

Chorus

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu

Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu

Bagaimana ku nanti

Bila tiada mengganti

Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Saat mata terpejam

Hanya kau ku terbayang

Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku

Saat mata terbuka

Kamulah yang pertama

Tak mampu aku

Bayangkan

Hidup tanpa dirimu

Repeat Chorus

Aku memang bersalah

Selalu saja mengabaikan mu

Dan tapi dah ku sedari

Segala perit kau lalui

Ku terlupa kau terluka

Dan memang selalu

Aku bersalah

Selalu saja mengabaikan mu

Meninggalkan mu

Dan tetapi itulah aku sedari

Segala perit yang kau lalui

Kerna diriku yang terus hanyut

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu

Bagaimana ku nanti

Bila tiada mengganti

Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

Bagaimana ku nanti

Bila kau tak di sisi 

Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja

No, you are not always bersalah. But yes, I am hurt. Thanx to you, I am deeply hurt :'(

Namun harus sampai bila

Kau kan diam seribu bahasa

Sampai... hmmmm. Dunno.

Tudung and Selendang Minah Senget

I have my own line of tudung and selendang! Yuhuuuu hebbaatttt!!!

                                                                          

                                                            

First time ever uploading a picture to this blog. Bangga.

Welcome 2011

I sambut new year at home, sambil tengok bunga api (kat tv berlambak). Jap kat KLCC, then pegi Dataran Merdeka. Gilos hebat I was everywhere that night!

Sambil tengok sambil guling-guling macam tenggiling. Syiiioookkk.

But unfortunately, I started 2011 with a bad day. SH merajuk due to some hormonal imbalance and I forgot to register my subject! Oh goodness. Fine RM 100 OK???!!!

Alahaiiii...macam mana ni? If kaya raya I don't mind babe. Ini I serious miskin sebab tak bertanding nak jadi PM lagi. Tunggu lah dah jadi PM nanti, siap lah denda-denda ni semua. Hmmm!!!

Owh I went to this Karnival Pengantin at Stadium Melawati last Friday (31 Dec 2010) with SH. Hahaha apa gilos entah caused we went to SACC Mall but that event was held at Stadium Melawati.

Kan dah kene sekeh dengan mamat tu.

But nothing much lah that Karnival. Tak menang anything. Just makan free a few times due to tahap kelaparan yang agak melampau. There is another one this coming weekend.

I read it from here. Thanx Xora.

Bilikku Nyaman

I'm a scientist wannabe. Penah tengok bilik saya? Horror OK. I mean my room here in uni. Tapi bilik kat my parents' house, gile kemas. Ye la, jarang balik. Memang la kemas.

Once, my labmate entered my room. I believe die mesti geleng terteleng-teleng tengok the mess I've done. I told her that is how a scientist room should looked like.

Dengan sinis die tersenyum. Sebab bilik die cantik, kemas. Since I'm staying alone, memang la horror. If tinggal berdua (berdua lebih baik), suuurrrreee kemas punye.

Suuurrreeeeee punye la. Ehh, tapi when I pusing kiri skit, alamak, I tarik balik la the sure tu.

Serious horror bersepah. Nak pindah, sebab tu lahh. (Ayat sedapkan hati)