Reality

My supervisor once said, life is never fair. It is unfair. Really. Sometimes, you couldn't understand why they are people who are just so lucky with their lives.

They seemed so happy, so complete. Note the ' they seemed'. Maybe they are not really happy inside but they stopped others to see the sad side of themselves. 

I am known to be a happy-go-lucky girl. I talked a lot, I smiled a lot. But to be honest, I cried a lot too. Almost everyday. I have to say that inside, I am not that happy.

I always believe that being me, I should make others happy. It doesn't matter whether I am happy or not. Because, truly, I am very happy when I could cheer up others.

I am nothing special. I have failed, twice. But I managed to stand up again and keep on going. I guess I am quite strong then. To be able to stand, until now.

Now, I am so sad because I think I could not go on anymore. I have become too lazy, too saturated and too stupid.

Sometimes I just feel like quitting. Just go back home, and stay there. Where no one could hurt me. Or make me sad. 

I know because no matter what happened I have my families to return too. I wish I could just go home and tell my mum that I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna study. Or work. 

I just wanna be your daughter. I just wanna be at home. Playing. I just wanna be your little girl once again.

I don't wanna proceed, I just want all to stop. I am too scared to face another failure. I am too weak to hear people say something that could hurt my feeling. 

I am tired of crying everyday. I just wanna laugh. And play.

I DO NOT WANT ANY RESPONSIBILITY.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE HURT MY FEELING WITH THEIR WORDS. 

I HATE IT BECAUSE I AM SO SENSITIVE I WOULD EASILY CRY.